Walcott quits the Mousekeeters; Rosicky retires; Gooners get a man-crush and a terrifying rodent joins the squad

There’s a lot going on following the game against Blackpool. First, we had the Walcott show. Then Rosicky announces his retirement…from forward to central midfielder. Song has become a mainstay on Tiger Beat magazine for Gooner fans. And, oh yeah, we picked up another central defender: a squirrel with a vicious streak a mile wide.

Whew. Okay, lets start with the easy bit, shall we? Walcott. C-3 Theo! Okay that was cheesy. But the young lad did well, didn’t he? At the 7 minute mark I turned to a Gooner on my right and said, “Theo scores first.” After his first score, I turned to a Gooner on my left and said, “Theo for a hat-trick.”

Theo's gang from Disney

Yes, yes yes. It was only Blackpool. But the kid’s 21 and this was a good game for him to practice his finishing in front of the goal. Besides, wasn’t the most fun watching him take free kicks. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? Theo! You’ve been practicing all summer, haven’t you? If he can do this half the time, or even just against mid to lower level teams I’d be happy. He’s like a young mousketeer that is getting ready for the leap to the mainstream. Brittany, Christina and Justin would be proud.

Rosicky's practices defending a penalty kick.

Next up, we have the shocking announcement: Rosicky has retired from the forward position. But everyone is okay with this because it looks as if we finally have a back up to Captain Fab-ulous. While all of us, yours truly included, were fixated on Nasri, Rosicky snuck in and stole the show. All of a sudden, we’ve got depth. This whole Fab saga to b*rca seems to have helped the squad somehow. Now everyone wants Fab’s job. I guess it’s the bad economy. Anyway, if Rosicky keeps up his resurgence, look to him to finish his career as the goal keeper we’ve all been waiting for in 3 years, challenging Szczesny.

Song's part-time gig with the Jonas Brothers

But not to be outdone, everyone’s very own Song gave us a cameo as cover in central defense. Has anyone else noticed that Gooners are starting to develop a man-crush on the man from Cameroon? I swear one guy said his name and actually sighed and tilted his head a bit. And, to quote another Gooner, “his name shouldn’t be Song, it should be Strong.” I know what he meant, but still, if said in the wrong context…….of course, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Is it the hair? I don’t have hair. Maybe it’s time for a toupee? I wonder if I can get a toupee like Song’s hair? Then I could look like Song. See how fast it happens? Scary.

That's no ordinary Squirrel!

And finally, drum roll please! The big news of the day. Arsene signs a central defender! Sébastien Squillaci. It’s difficult to come up with a nickname for a man who’s name looks like the word “Squirrel” to me. Seriously, every time I think of his name, an image of a squirrel comes to mind. I mean what do we call him? I got nothing, so I’m sticking with The Squirrel. But a vicious Squirrel with rabies. Sort of like the killer rabbit in Monty Python and the Holy Grail:

“That’s no ordinary [squirrel]!

That’s the most foul cruel and foul tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!…

That [squirrel’s] got a vicious streak a mile-wide…

He can leap about…look at the bones!”

Because that’s what I think Sebastian Squillaci is going to be for Arsenal. This “decrepit” 30 year-old, if you listen to some of the 12 year olds that post on various blogs, will be the beast we need to stabilize our defense. Give us a new GK and we’re looking at a new look Arsenal defense. Something that makes The Squirrel different is that he’s not like TV5, Kos or even Gallas. He’s more like Sol. Speed and touch are not his thing; he’s force and combat. He’s a pure CB.

I said before Kos has a chance to become a fan favorite if given time. His showing at Anfield was the first step. So lets give The Squirrel a shot, because “I warned you! Did you listen to me? No no, it’s just a harmless little Squirrel isn’t it?”


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